Day 20!

20 Days into my journey and the last ten days have flown by so fast I didn't even realize it has been 10 whole days since my last post. The first few days were just busy and then Valentine's weekend, and then the guilt and shame over not sticking to my own rules coupled with not working out made it really hard to get back to my blog. It is so funny how guilt and shame can keep you away from a good thing and that is how the cycle begins. I completely lost focus on the real point of this journey which was not just physical healing but it is also about mental and spiritual healing that is needed in order to be a healthy person from the inside out. I allowed my shame and guilt to keep me in hiding off the radar but the more I hid the worse I felt. I need the accountability of this blog. The bible says to confess to one another so that we may be healed. God forgives but there is healing in confession. I am confessing that I have not worked out, that I have not stayed on the straight and narrow as far as my eating is concerned but I have been very conscious of what I am eating and even more conscious about my portions. While I have indulged in the occasional slice of 2% cheese or enjoyed a tasty chocolate chip that was meant for baking I have not overindulged. I can honestly say that in the past partaking in these things would have caused me to just throw in the towel and say forget this I already blew it so can I have been in the McDonald's drive thru ordering a single cheeseburger with no pickles and a large fry with a diet coke! The difference between then and now is that I am not on a diet. This is my new lifestyle and while everything I consume is not going to be perfect or contain tons of fiber or good fats I am not unconsciously making choices and not thinking of the long term consequences of that burger. That feels good and that is progress. (Romans 12:2)
Now as far as the working out and even this eating thing goes. I have been so questioning God on his timing. I hearing the voice of the serpent asking me did God really tell you to start a blog on a healthy journey just like he asked Eve did God really say you can't eat from this tree. (Genesis 3:1-3) I was like really serpent you may be right with all the things that is going on right now in your life does God really want to add exercising, cooking healthy meals and blogging about it when you already have a full plate. Let me give you guys some background. Really for the past 7 or more months I have been able to focus solely on raising my son and keeping my household orderly during the day time so eating healthy and working out would have been no problem.  But since January the same time I got this call from God about my health God has also called me to start a small group for women in the morning, find and move into a new place, start working from home in the evenings, and the bonus -  keep up with my son who just started crawling. Now that it is February all these things that he called me to do are all happening at the same time and I am definitely feeling overwhelmed and under-motivated. So when the serpent came to question me I thought hey you are on to something here, this is too much. God surely doesn't want me to stress.  I was reminded by God that he would never give me more than I can bear, that in my weakness He is made strong, that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and reminded me of the good wife in Proverbs. (Proverbs 31:10-31)You see God knows that while I am in the midst of this busy season in life that my health will be the first thing that I neglect which is why he wants me to commit to living a healthy life so that He can use me for his purposes. The only way to know if the serpent is right is to test it against the word of God. The serpent knows the word and he tells you the opposite of God’s word but if you bury God’s work in your heart you will be able to detect the lies and discern the truth every time.
(Matthew 4:1-11). So with that said, I have still not made a daily habit of consistently working out in the gym or with a tape but I have been very conscious about using my time wisely. As I clean my house, do laundry, grocery shop, feed the baby, or play on the floor with him I purposely engage all my body into these activities. I do squats while doing the laundry or feeding the baby in his high chair. I do abs and over head curls with the boy while playing on the floor. I dance while doing the dishes and changing diapers. I am going to plan and schedule a regular routine but I am going to make do with what I am for now and not get so caught up in the guilt that I use my energy to focus on the wrong things.  Because Had I continued to allow guilt and shame to lord over my head and keep me in the dark I would not have been able to receive the freedom and peace that comes with being in the light. Shame is not from God and neither is guilt or condemnation those are the enemy’s tools. Christ is about repentance, forgiveness, and love. I pray for everyone that if you have something in the dark that you bring it to God first and then confess it to someone so that you may be healed! (James 5:16) 

Day 10!

10 Days and my journey continues. I still have not been able to workout because I caught a cold, have been super busy, and still have no motivation. I know it is not an accident that everyday I plan to workout something comes up so I am not going to have ANY excuses tomorrow. Even if I just take the baby for a stroll around the mall I will have at least 30 minutes of activity. One day of Tae-bo last week was just not enough. I know that I need to be committed or else this journey will come to a standstill.
I am also in need of some more veggies in my life! I have found that my energy level is super low and I feel tired all the time. Even though I am a stay at home mom my days are so long but I know that when I start working out I will get more energy.
Speaking of needing more energy, I know that more rest will help. I am going to get to bed early tonight so that I will be refreshed for my workout tomorrow. My prayer for everyone is that you will find rest in the Lord, no matter what is going on in your life or how busy things get. (Matthew 11:29-30)

Day 9!

Woohoo for Day 9! It has already been over a week in this journey. I know that I did not write anything for days 7 and 8 but I was really focusing on relaxing with my family, thinking about goals, and plain old being distracted by other things. I will confess that on Sunday I did enjoy a few slices of yummy Dijornio's spinach and mushroom pizza and some natural cookies. I know I said no cheese, bread, or sugar but I really was bummed that we missed out on going to a SuperBowl part because my son was sick. The truth is I love finding reasons to be a little bad when things don't go as planned - I guess sort of a treat. But I honestly only feel guilty because I really ate more than I desired and felt bloated and stuffed. I could have had one slice of pizza with a big salad and nice piece of fruit for dessert. But I have learned my lesson on overindulgence because I paid the price with a tummy ache.
Which brings me to my point of the night, I really need more than WILLPOWER, I need the POWER of the HOLY SPIRIT that comes through Christ. I can not do this alone. (Romans 7:15-25)I need to remember His promise to restore me to health and the word He gave me for my body so when I get tempted and I will be tempted or when I see the old habits start to resurface I can rely on His word to renew my mind so that my actions will be aligned with His will. (Romans 12:2)
I really didn't get too far with my goals but I will share them as they come. I desire to lose 60lbs in however long it takes because I am not in a race but I expect to make progress each month by losing 2-5lbs per month or losing inches. By meeting these monthly goals I will be able to get back into my pre-pregnacy clothes by June 2011.
A friend of mine called today and helped me to realize once God gives me an assignment and I ready to act on it there will be obstacles that try to keep me from doing God's will but she reminded me to press forward. It is easy to be so distracted by the circumstances in life that you lose site of the goal. So my prayer for everyone is that you not be moved by circumstances because what you see is just temporary and subject to chnage but what you don't see is eternal. You may not see your promised land from where you are right not but just know that God promised it to you so it is yours so be don't be distracted by the things you can see. (2 Corinthians 4:18)

Day 6!

Wow, Day 6 has already come and is almost gone. I am really excited about this season in my life. Yesterday, my 9 month old son crawled for real for the first time. It was so amazing to watch him finally do something that he had been trying to do for a couple of months now. I really thought he would just skip crawling and walk because he seemed so uninterested in crawling but he loved standing up and holding on to things while he tried to walk. I got to thinking why does he want to walk and not crawl and what I came up with was that everyone around him walks (he is our first son and there are no other babies around). He just wanted to get to the good part. Lately, my husband and I have been getting down on all fours with him and making it a game by putting objects he really wanted just far enough that he would have to crawl for it. We hoped that showing him how he can get around on his own by crawling would motivate him to enjoy this stage. We know that crawling is temporary but it is also necessary and that the walking would come soon. It is funny how my adult life mirrors what he is going through - people around are healthy and active and workout and I on the other hand have been wanting and desiring that for myself but not wanting to crawl for awhile until I got strong enough to walk. I would just get so frustrated because I could see the goal but it just seemed like it would just take too much work and effort to get there. So instead of changing my eating habits I would crash diet and call it a "detox" and instead of building a regimen of working out I would order the latest workout tool or  get that gym membership. Then I would let the must have work out stuff get dusty sometimes never opening the box or scanning the membership card. But this time I am going to press through the crawling phase so that when I am ready to walk I can really walk and not just pretend. Thank you everyone who has posted comments, followed this site, sent messages and prayed for me because you are getting down on all fours and crawling with me so that I can learn how to crawl and get around on my own and then eventually walk.
My prayer for everyone is that God would send each one of you someone that will get down wherever you may be and just crawl with you and show you that the crawling is just a temporary way to get you moving until you can walk on your own. 

Day 5!

Hey everyone!! Thanks for sticking with me on this journey. I hope that things are well for you. So I am doing really great with the whole food thing because the 21 Day Daniel's fast really got me in the right frame of mind to eating healthy and making wise choices.(Daniel 1:8-16) I have had no meat, diary, or processed foods. Yah!! But I am really struggling with the will power needed for working out! My sister is a on her own journey with health and she has challenged herself to doing at least 30 minutes of exercise everyday for 21 days - since it takes that long to make something a habit. She is now on her 6th day, GO TANIA!!! So I think I am going to challenge myself to do the same starting this Saturday.I am going to need to really look at my schedule and allot a certain time each day without fail and the same time everyday, even on the weekends. I really need to get my physical activity on! Also, I am struggling with getting out of my house. Since I became a stay at home mom, I have become a hermit never leaving the house except for church and my son's doctor appointments. I know that Healthy Living is not just about the food you consume daily not to mention you can't call it a Healthy Living if you are not living. So my challenge for myself has to go beyond exercise. I challenge myself to get out of my house at least once a week during these 21 days of exercise. I won't count church or church activities, the Dr's office, or just sitting in in some one's house. For all of you who know me - this is quite the challenge but I know I can do it. I really use my son as an excuse to not exercise or leave the house! I am sure that there is something else going on that I am not even realizing but if I know God like I know I know Him - He will reveal it to me. When I have my "Ahaaaa" moment I will share it with you!
I really did not understand why God placed starting this blog on my heart but the more I write the more I understand that He is using this time to get  me to see for myself what is really going on in my life. It is not that He doesn't love me and He doesn't love coming to my rescue but God wants me to understand why I am in the situations that I find myself in so that I can not keep repeating this cycle. Often times I go to God with the same old stuff wanting Him to fix these problems but God is taking me to the source. Has anybody else experienced this?
Speaking of writing things down I really have not taken the time to set some goals and set time lines so that I can have see if I am progressing and so that I can document my milestones. (Habakkuk 2:2) I wanted to take things day to day and not put a whole lot of emphasis on timing, exact weight loss, or inches but that doesn't mean I shouldn't set goals and track my progress. I will also be working on that this weekend and will share as well.

My prayer for everyone including myself is that you don't stop at the easy stuff that you will keep pushing yourself because that perseverance will build character. (James 1:2-4) I also pray that God would reveal his purpose for your lives and allow you the vision you need to write down your goals for all areas of your life and that He will give you all that you need to get it done! (Proverbs 29:18)

Day 4!

Wow Day 4! This personal journey is exciting for me but I think whats makes this more exciting is doing this with everyone else. You know when you buy a new car, you start to notice all the cars that are either the same model, color, or manufacturer. It seems like all these cars just popped up but they have always been there you are just now noticing because your car is the one that was added to the road. That is how I feel. I am so much more aware of the others that are on this same quest from all of you that have commented over the past few days and to the other blogs I am seeing on Facebook and other social media all on healthy living, nutrition, conscious eating, fasting, detoxing. I am so happy that I am now paying attention because it really makes this goal feel attainable. For those of you on this journey whether you are taking a spiritual journey and fasting to seek God, making small changes like incorporating healthier foods in your diet, or becoming a vegan here are a couple of my friends' blogs that you may enjoy reading and a website for the Daniel's fast.   Daniel's Fast,  Urban Queen Goes Green, Snap Dish, & Spirit Nutrition Enjoy!

I pray that you would not be moved my circumstances because God will give you all that you need to endure your personal journey.

Day 3!

Wow so it has been 3 days already Woo-hoo! I am feeling good. Although, today was a tough day for me because I did not  grocery shop over the weekend and had very few healthy options. I am just happy that I did not succumb to my hunger and eat junk food or order a pizza. I made it through the day and learned a lesson, the quickest way to get off track is not being prepared.
Today, not having the "right food" accessible caused me to think back on how I gained this weight in the first place. I realized that this is probably the number one reason for my initial weight gain. Growing up I had my chunky moments in elementary school but for the most part I was thin up until the age of 23. That year I gained 40lbs in less than 3 months it happened so fast that I did it even realize it until I was too late, the damage was done. I went from 110lbs to 150lbs because I worked nights and I would eat snacks in the vending machine for dinner and then come home at 2am and eat fast food or whatever packaged food I could warm in the microwave before I passed out into bed. When I finally slowed down to see how I let myself go I went into denial about what I looked like and began to avoid scales and mirrors. I did not even make an attempt to lose the weight or change my habits. It's funny how up until I really put on weight I never appreciated my body and I always saw myself as fat.  At 110lbs I thought I needed to be a 100lbs and I always complained and called myself names. I am now learning that no matter what size you are or how much you weigh you can not attach your self worth to your physical appearance. You need to love yourself from the inside out, love and appreciate yourself for who you are and for what God made you. When you love yourself than taking care of your body is automatic. (Psalm 139:14)
I know for women we can always see how important it is to take care and nurture others because we love them and can't imagine them going without.  But so often we neglect ourselves and deprive our bodies of the most basic and fundamental needs.  Could it be that we don't love ourselves? I looked up the definition for love and found that Love is the emotion of strong affection and personal attachment In philosophical context, love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection. So if you don't have enough human kindness, strong affection or personal attachment for yourself  to nurture and care for your own body can you say that you love yourself? If I were to be honest with you, that year I really hated myself and the rapid weight gain was a by-product and it was evident in choices I made in other areas of my life. Just like my weight gain, I was in denial about those things too.
My prayer for everyone today is that God would shed a light on any dark places in your life so that He can heal you. I pray that you would value and love yourself they way that Jesus loves you. (Ephesians 3:17-19)